


in your eyes

by nanasays



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Secret Relationship, jukev, moonbae friendship goals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:09:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29250486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanasays/pseuds/nanasays
Summary: Kevin carries his heart on his sleeves, Juyeon hides his own very well.It was what Jacob concluded.orJuyeon and Kevin’s relationship by Jacob Bae’s point of view.
Relationships: Lee Juyeon/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 77





	in your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> \- another jukev (!!!) but by jacob's pov  
> \- english is not my first language so i apologize for any mistakes that might appear!  
> \- juyeon is good please dont hate him :(  
> \- title is from the weeknd's in your eyes  
> \- enjoy!!

_you always know just what to say_   
_i always look the other way_   
_i'm blind_   
_in your eyes, you lie, but i don't let it define you_

_(in your eyes - the weeknd)_

“Please, take care of him, sweetheart.” 

These words always come back to his mind, always. Not by the point that it hunts him, but it does make him think, rethink, and overthink things. It almost came as a warning to make Jacob question himself if he is really keeping up with his promise. Sometimes he thinks he does, sometimes he thinks that he could do it better. But, most of the time, Jacob Bae thinks he can and needs to protect his best friend from everything and everyone. 

“I will, auntie. Don’t worry. He’ll be just fine.” He remembered himself assuring her, while receiving one last hug from Kevin’s mom. Jacob always felt that she wanted to say more, but they were already getting late for their flight that day. At the same time, he knew what she meant without saying a word. 

_Thank you for always being here for Kevin_. 

It was not a burden, it never felt like one. Jacob Bae and Kevin Moon grew up practically together. Their moms were best friends since high school, so things were kinda fated to them. There was no memory of his childhood that Kevin and the Moon’s family weren’t in it, even when they moved to Toronto and his best friend’s family stayed in Vancouver. They would spend Chuseok together, schedule a korean barbecue feast once in a month, and make plans for a family trip every year, just because their moms have that kind of connection. And Kevin and him got connected the same way, too. 

Being one year apart from your best friend makes you graduate earlier from school, but it took Jacob a while to decide what he really wanted to do next. So, that’s why he and Kevin got to the conclusion that they were ready to leave Canada together. They both got approved at Yonsei University, in Seoul, packed their belongings and said goodbyes to their family in a dramatic airport farewell — exactly where he promised his auntie Moon that he would take care of Kevin.

It wasn't like his best friend’s mom did not trust her own son or that Kevin was like a little kid who needed to be monitored every single minute. No, definitely not. Kevin was an amazing son and friend. The thing with Kevin Moon is that they both knew that he's clearly, transparent, with every single trace of emotion that he could feel. Which is great, Kevin has always been passionate about everything he loves — art, music, psychology, teaching kids — and being sincere about those things just made him a sensitive and extremely creative person. But, being so easy to read sometimes makes him vulnerable, and Jacob knew that very well.

It has always been like that. If Kevin loves something, he’d put his entire heart on it, without even thinking twice. Give his all, carry his heart on his sleeves, and feel everything at once, without even noticing if it may or not hurt him at the end. On the other hand, Jacob has always been more the rational type than emotional, giving a good and necessary balance for their friendship. That’s why Kevin’s mom knew she could trust him. 

A promise or not, Jacob concluded to himself that he’d always do his best to be there for his best friend and the little big heart of his. 

They’re connected for life, just like their moms. Kevin is family, after all.

——

A few months as a college student and Jacob was already feeling like dying. Seoul welcomed him kindly, but university said hi with a kick on his ass. Two articles to write, sixteen chapters to read, one project to start, and these were all just for one class. Kevin was struggling as well, but he seemed to genuinely enjoy all the classes he got. 

It was Saturday night, and the only sounds echoing at their dorm were from turning pages and highlighters against paper. They were both so concentrated that when Jacob heard a soft knock on their dorm door, he couldn’t help but whine. 

“Kev, can you get that, please?” He asked, begging with his eyes when Kevin seemed not interested in that. But his best friend ended up giving up, throwing his highlighter pen on the coffee table they were using to study. “Thanks, buddy!”

Jacob was ready to go back to this one complicated article, but after a few seconds a “Cobi! It’s for you!” came. Another highlighter was thrown at the table.

“Hey, hyung! Sorry to bother you two, but I were passing by somewhere near here and Jaehyun hyung asked me to leave those notes he borrowed from you.” The visitor explained, taking a file full with papers from his black backpack. “Here! Ah, and he said thank you.”

“Oh, it’s okay! Thanks for bringing these!” Jacob had kinda forgotten about those notes, but they came back in a good time. He remembered Lee Jaehyun, his classmate from Calculus 1, asking for it a week ago or something like that. Since then, they got close and Jacob found his first college friend.

“No worries! And sorry for showing up so suddenly.” The other said, and even though Jacob had met him just a few times, he’d always seem such a nice guy. 

“It’s fine! Tell Jaehyun I said hi.” 

“Got it.” He winked playfully before zipping and putting his backpack back on his shoulders, opening a kind smile. “See you guys around!”

By the corner of his eyes Jacob could see his best friend waving, and he kept his little wave thing even after the door was already closed.

"Who 's that?” Kevin murmured, trying to sound casual, but Jacob could already tell that he was curious about the other. Kevin Moon and his bad acting skills. 

“Remember that one friend of mine from Calculus?” Kevin had met Jaehyun a couple of times, so he did remember him. 

“The one with a loud laugh, right?” He asked, just to be sure and Jacob scoffed. That’s a good description of Jaehyun.

“Yeah, him. So, that’s Juyeon, Jaehyun’s roommate.” Jacob explained.

Kevin nodded. 

They both went back to their study session. 

——

Fridays mean that Jacob’s schedule tends to extend until the last minutes of the afternoon, because he can really lose himself into the DNA bases reading at the college’s lab. It was definitely his favorite subject of the semester.

Usually, he’d get home to find Kevin already whining about being starve. They had defined Friday as their day of the week to have a good healing time: order some takeout, eating together, while watching a trash movie. Today in particular, Jacob was craving for some burrito.

“Oh, Juyeon-ah?” He was sure it was Juyeon there, exiting their dorm complex. The other seemed startled by his voice. 

“Hey, hyung! What’s up?” The other sounds like he just saw a ghost, but at same time trying his best to keep it cool. 

“I’m good, just got out of class.” He looked at Juyeon and then back to the dorm complex entrance, and then back to Juyeon. “Do you, huh, need something?”

“What?”

“You were looking for me, right?”

“Yes yes, _of course_. I mean, your roommate told me you weren’t home so…” Juyeon’s voice got a little bit higher, like he was nervous about something. Suddenly, he grabbed his phone from his trousers pocket in a rush. “Ah, hyung, sorry, I better go now. Just remembered I have some boring article to finish and the deadline is getting closer, so yeah, bye!”

“What the…?” Okay, that was _weird_. “He didn't even tell me what he needed…”

 _Which is not that important right now,_ Jacob concludes to himself. He can ask Juyeon or even Jaehyun later because at that moment, he’s too tired to even try to understand it. Everything he wants and needs is some Mexican food with his best friend.

——

Kevin does suck at sleeping, but normally he doesn’t have problems at getting up. 

Later, Jacob had noticed that his best friend had been oversleeping too often. Kevin blamed the music therapy club he had joined — not that Jacob had bought this excuse, though. Something was off, he just couldn’t tell what yet.

This morning, Kevin woke up especially late so Jacob was already waiting for him on their dorm doorstep. The other appeared after a few more minutes, buttoning a cardigan over a turtleneck, with his black hair going everywhere, backpack hanging on one shoulder, and his specs almost falling off of the bridge of his nose. A total mess.

“What’s up with you and those turtlenecks lately?” Jacob couldn’t help but notice that Kevin started to wear a lot of these types of clothes, and it wasn’t even that cold in Seoul to be so covered up. 

“What— Nothing. I just think it’s cute and comfortable. It’s just a fashion thing, Cobi.” He shrugged, before hopping his feet inside his Vans and gratefully accepting the green apple Jacob was offering him for a rush breakfast. 

If they weren’t super late, Jacob probably would’ve questioned the other if covering up whatever was going on with those red and purple-ish things on his neck was also just a fashion thing. 

——

keb 

did u see my airpods?

_last time i saw it you were wearing them this morning_

:(

_u lost it again didnt u_

yes :(

i swear i already looked everywhere but they disappeared for real this time

_you always say that and then find it in the most obvious place later, buddy_

excuse ME

_nways_

_you can use mine_

_just left them at my desk drawer_

thanks keb

you are the best <3

_better give me some gopchang in return today!!_

gotcha sir!

_ <3 _

Jacob enters Kevin’s room and doesn't even get surprised by how well organized it was. Everything in the right place, looking very clean and neat. He went directly to the desk, opening the first drawer, but there were just a bunch of stationary things. After grabbing a few post-its to himself, Jacob opened the second drawer and found Kevin’s airpods there, beside some small boxes that his friend was using to keep his beads stuff. 

It was Kevin’s most recent hobbie, making cute handmade bracelets and necklaces. Jacob could see that he was finishing a new bracelet with black, transparent, and gray rounded beads, with also a little silver pendant of a cat. Very cute and delicate. He bet Kevin would be wearing this one almost everyday.

——

“Jacob hyung and Kevin hyung are here!”

Eric greeted loudly, hugging them both at same time before giving them space to enter the small apartament. Sometimes, Jacob asked himself how his friendship circle got this big, but he always came to the same confused conclusion: being friends with a classmate made you open enough to being friends with your classmate’s mutual friends — and also Kevin’s friends, and Kevin’s friends’ friends. Then, _boom_ , they suddenly turned it into a whole group of eleven guys.

Saturdays were reserved for their messy meetings that always ended up with Haknyeon, and sometimes himself, having to carry someone passed out to their respective dorms (most of the time Eric, rarely Chanhee). Despites that, when everyone's gathering around like this, Jacob even forgets that it’ll be a year that he’s away from home soon. Moments like this do feel like home.

Kevin was already being dragged by Changmin and Chanhee to the improvised karaoke, because apparently Sangyeon was gettin tipsy and ready to start his trot show with Haknyeon (Younghoon was with his phone already recording everything). Eric and Sunwoo were bickering at the other side of the living room about some random game, while Jaehyun and Juyeon were in the small kitchen of their dorm. The two being the responsables for the snacks and drinks this night.

“Sorry for being late, guys. The queue at the convenience store was kinda long today.” He explained after greeting Jaehyun and Juyeon with quick hugs.

“No worries, hyung. Let me get that for you.” Juyeon offered kindly, helping Jacob with his plastic bags. 

It was when Jacob saw it. The bracelet on Juyeon’s wrist. Made of black, transparent and gray beads. With a cat pigent. He was sure he had seen this before.

“Could you get Jacob a beer, Juyeon-ah?” He heard Jaehyun asking the other, and Jacob couldn't help but follow Juyeon’s wrist. The little silver pendant dangled while he opened the fridge and grabbed two cans.

“One for Kevin.” Juyeon informed, handing him the beers. At this angle, he could see the bracelet more clearly, and it was really cute. Again, Jacob felt he had seen this before.

“Thanks, Juyeon-ah. Oh, cute bracelet! Where did you get that?” Without even thinking he was already asking. Jacob was so, _so_ sure...

“Huh, thanks! Just bought it at some random store in Itaewon.” Juyeon said it quickly, while putting his hoodie sleeves down to his wrist. “I can give you their address later.”

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

——

Rarely their group manages to reunite during the week because everyone schedules use to be different from each other. It happens once in a while, so when it does, they usually go to the same McDonalds near the campus, the only place where they can crowd up at the farest tables and be loud without bothering others.

As usual, they were already being loud over the dumbest topic.

“I’m just saying that I'd rather go see a dentist if teeth start growing on my butt. It makes more sense than going to see a surgeon.” Sunwoo said in between sips of his coke, which made Changmin throw a french frie at him. 

“Nothing about this discussion makes sense.” Chanhee whined, before anyone else could try to start this stupid topic all over again. “That’s why we are all single. People think we’re weird.”

“What are you talking about? Juyeonie hyung is the exception here.” This time, all eyes went to Eric, while Juyeon almost choked on his burger. “I’m serious. Everyone knows that Sihyeon noona and him are almost a thing.”

“What— Shut up, Eric!” Juyeon almost yelled, throwing a napkin at the boy.

“But it 's true! C’mon hyung, I’m not the only one who has heard about the rumours.” Said boy dodge from the napkin.

“What rumours?” Jaehyun and Younghoon asked at the same time, both getting closer and closer to Eric’s direction.

“She has been crushing hard on him since they became partners and will confess after their dance duet together.” Then he spilled it, and they all went “ _ohhhh_ '' in bold and italic exclamations. The rumours made sense, though. From what Jacob had learned, Sihyeon has been Juyeon’s partner from the Modern Dance class since last month, when they were selected as the main couple for the upcoming Art Week. 

“I’ve heard something like that too. Some of her friends are in my Classical Ballet class, you know.” The other dance major of the group added, and the table gasped again. Changmin’s also a dance major, which made the chances of the rumours being true increase. 

“See! I’m not lying!”

“Eric, chill please.” Sangyeon asked the other, before turning to Juyeon, who’s still trying to avoid everyone's eyes. “Rumour or not, I think she’s cute and seems a really nice girl, too. I think you should give it a try, Juyeon-ah.”

“Yeah, you two would look good together, hyung.” Haknyeon pointed out. At this point, Jacob could see Juyeon’s ears getting red from where he was sitting. 

Suddenly, everyone seemed excited about Juyeon’s supposed love life and started to talk at the same time, giving their opinions if they’d or not make a good couple. It was so loud that Jacob didn't even know who he needed to listen to first. He stopped trying to pay attention when he saw Kevin grabbing his own backpack and standing up from the chair.

“Everything’s fine, Kev?” He heard his own voice standing out from all the noises his friends were making. Everyone else seemed to notice, and suddenly it was Kevin the center of the attention. 

“Yeah, just remembered I have to get this book with a classmate of mine for the next class. So, I think I should go now.” He said every word as if something was stuck at the back of his throat. Jacob knew what that almost broken voice meant. His best friend's voice usually sounds just like that when he’s trying his best to not _cry_. At the same second, Jacob moved on his chair to stand up as well, but Kevin stopped him. “I’m _fine_ , Jacob. Don’t worry.” He added directed to Jacob in English, his eyes shining with tears this time. “See you guys later.”

A chorus of bye’s were heard, and quickly his best friend was out of his sign. Jacob didn't know why, but something made him look at Juyeon right after. The latter was glancing at the fast food entrance with a concerned face.

“I need to go too.” In a blink of an eye, Jacob saw Juyeon standing up as well, grabbing his backpack carelessly and almost hitting Younghoon’s face with his elbow in the process. “Bye, guys.”

“Do you think we went too far with the Sihyeon thing and now he’s angry?” Jaehyun was the first one to break the silence that came after Juyeon left.

“If he is, it’s Eric’s fault.” 

“Hey! We all teased him about it!” 

The noises started again. But all Jacob could think was: _please, be with him_.

——

“Then, he just ended his class like that. Can you believe it?” Jacob's words were nothing but frustrated, that class was so bad that he felt the need to pack everything and go back to Canada. He waited for his best friend to comfort him, but when Jacob glanced at the other, Kevin was by his side on that library corridor, but his mind was definitely somewhere else. “Hey, Kev, are you okay?”

“Huh?” The answer came a little bit late. Kevin looked as confused as him.

“Are you okay?” He asked again. Judging by his best friend’s behavior right now, looking at the bookshelf as if it was the most interesting thing in the world, he could guess. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” Those words came after a sighed. Yes, something’s not right.

“Well, you don’t look fine to me. To be honest, you’ve been acting kinda weird these past few weeks.” Which was true, Jacob had caught his best friend wandering with a thoughtful expression more than once just this week, during lunch and even at their shared dorm.

“I’m fine— it’s just—” He mumbled, sighing for the second time. Jacob patiently waits for a reply, picking another book, giving Kevin space and time. After another sigh, Jacob picked one more thick book and then looked at the other. Kevin was frustratingly whining with his hands covering his face. 

“What’s going on, Kev?” He softly asked, holding the books with one arm so he could put his free hand on Kevin’s back. 

“I’m kinda meeting… someone.” It came almost as a whisper, but Jacob could still understand it well. 

"Well, that’s good. I mean, you’re making it sound like it's something bad, though. But, why?” That was odd. Usually, when Kevin got a crush or something like that, he’d be so into it. And mostly, he’d tell Jacob first before anything else.

“Because at the same time we are getting somewhere, we are not. We always need to pretend that we don’t.” He said, frustration getting heavy on his voice. “He says he’s not ready. And it seems like he’ll never be. I’m the only one really trying.”

Oh, that’s why he didn’t have told anything about this person until now. He was trying to cooperate with the secret. It makes sense.

“This person still not… you know.” 

“Yes, he did not accept himself just yet. And I know how it feels because I’ve been through it too.” Jacob knew the feelings behind those words — he was right there besides him when his best friend came out to his parents. By that time, Kevin was just a teenager and he was so scared that everything Jacob remembered doing to help was assuring Kevin everyday that he was still the same Kevin Moon he knew since they were kids, no matter who he loved, a man or a woman. It took a few days for Kevin's parents to understand and accept their son. During that time, Jacob welcomed his best friend in his house and did not even leave his side for any second. “I get it, okay? He’s not ready, Korean culture can be extremely homophobic that could ruin his fucking life, and _yes_ , I understand all of that. But he hides us so well that I’m starting to think that we’ve always been a lie. I feel like… he’s just ashamed of us, of _me_.”

“This... sucks. I’m so sorry.” Suddenly, Jacob felt the urge to give his best friend a hug, but with one arm holding the books it wasn’t really possible. Besides, they’re still on the corridor of a library. Not the right place. “Look, if you really think that this isn’t going anywhere, then I think you should just let it go. It’s not worth having hopes on someone who doesn’t make any effort, too. Don’t put all the responsibility on you, we can’t change people.”

“I know, Jacob, I know. But… The truth is... I’m not just meeting someone new, it’s not just a crush. I think— It’s different this time.” He mumbled, sounding so tired but at same time, so lost and confused.

“ _Oh_... you’re in love, Kev.” Yes, Jacob wasn’t reading it wrong. He could tell just by the way Kevin’s lips trembled a bit after hearing those words.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen— We were just messing around and I knew he didn’t want nothing serious because he’s just too afraid of anyone finding out, but still— I’m so fucking dumb. I know.” He sobbed at the last word and without noticing, thin tears started to fall, wetting his cheeks. It's been a while since the last time Jacob saw his best friend like this — broken. He felt his chest tightening, like he needed to do something about it. 

Jacob let all the books he had just picked drop on the ground, before pulling Kevin for a hug. He cried, and cried, letting a few sobs echo through the corridor of bookshelves. Some students were passing by, glazing questioning looks at them. But Jacob just did not care.

It was all he could do at that moment. And he hoped it was enough for now.

——

It was Friday, but this time, Jacob couldn't find the energy to spend more time in the lab. His mind was somewhere else the entire day. 

Kevin skipped all his classes today, with an excuse that he was not feeling well. After what happened in the library a few days later, he waited for his best friend to open up more, but it never came. Then, Kevin started to be more and more distant, feeling everything and nothing at the same time. During all these years of friendship, it’s the first time that Jacob didn’t know what to do. All the knowledge he had about the things happening with Kevin were merely speculations of his mind. 

Kevin just needed to open up, so he could finally have the permission to do something.

Jacob slowly packed his things, grabbing his backpack while exiting the laboratory. He was about to put his phone on his jeans pocket when he noticed that the notifications were getting wild there. It was from the kakaotalk group chat he had with his friends.

**changmin kyutie**

LEE JUYEON IS D*TING SIHYEON AND DOESNT EVEN TOLD US!!!!!!

**youngjae eric sohn**

WHAT

**changmin kyutie**

just heard one of her friends talking about it after class

she confessed 

he accepted her feeling

and now they’re D*TING FR

**chaniiiiii**

that’s cute congrats 

but why are u censoring the word dating

**changmin kyutie**

everyone else here is single

i thought it might triggered some of you guys

**youngjae eric sohn**

JUST CONFIRMED IT GUYS LOOK AT THEM

_open photo_

**chaniiiiii**

did you just stalked her on instagram to get this story pic of them together

**youngjae eric sohn**

maybe

**jaehyunjae**

@juyeon explain !!!!

**sunwoozzz**

WOW congrats for being the prettiest couple on campus

**ju hak**

told u they’d look good together!!! congrats hyung!!

**bbanghoon**

congrats lee juyeon for not being single anymore

While scrolling through the messages, Jacob was hoping he’d find any message from Juyeon saying it was just a misunderstanding but there’s none. The picture Eric sent was enough. Apparently, Juyeon was dating Sihyeon.

He couldn’t think about anything else other than rushing to their dorm. Maybe Kevin didn’t check the group chat yet, maybe he did, maybe he will now. 

It took him a few minutes of running. Breathless or not, he climbed on the stairs, having no patience for waiting for the elevator this time. Approaching their dorm floor, Jacob stopped right on the corridor. He could hear two voices screaming at each other with so much anger and hurt.

“Look, Hyungseo. I’m not doing it only for me, I’m doing it for us! Why are you making it so hard to understand?” It was Juyeon’s voice, without any doubt. The sound was a bit muffled but he still was able to hear the words clearly just by the fierce they were being thrown.

“How you dating someone else has to do with me?” Kevin’s voice came, so broken. He was crying, Jacob could feel every single tear in there. “Stop lying to yourself, Juyeon. You just want to protect your straight facade by hiding us even more. It has always been like that!” 

“Can’t you just understand my side for once? Do you think it’s easy for me to do it, huh?” The response was immediately. 

“I’m tired of trying to understand you, Juyeon.” A loud sob cutted his own word, and Kevin silently cried, before trying to control his breath. “Why can’t you just understand _me_ this time? Why can’t you just accept your truth self for once?”

“Because I’m not a _fucking_ foreigner who can just act as they want like you, damm it!” Loud, almost a yell, but full of sadness. 

“That’s what am I to you? A _fucking_ foreigner?” It hurts, it hurts listening to his best friend collapsing like that. “Please, leave.”

“Hyungseo-ah…”

“ _Leave_.”

Kevin was telling Juyeon to leave, but his voice was betraying him. Despites that, Jacob heard the door opening a few minutes of silence later. 

Juyeon left. 

Their eyes met for a brief second and Jacob saw the tears. This time, Juyeon couldn’t even try to lie or use a shameless excuse, Jacob had seen — heard — it all. The other quickly lowered his head before starting to walk away.

“Oh, Kevin...” He murmured when he finally stepped into their dorm and found his best friend almost losing his breath because of his intense crying. Again, all he could do was hug him. Hold him like his own life depends of it. 

——

Kevin’s sleeping problems were getting worse. He had tried sleeping pills, teas, everything, but still couldn’t rest well. This was already reflecting on his studies, humor, and appetite. It got to the point where he was basically crying himself to sleep. After all, it had been only a week after everything. Their friends were still clueless about what was happening, so Jacob had to find a convincing excuse as to why Kevin couldn't join them or why he was skipping classes lately basically everyday. They all seemed to buy it, except for one person, of course.

Juyeon kept trying hard. Kevin’s phone would ring for almost ten times a day but he never answered any of his calls. Sometimes, Jacob overhears Kevin listening to some of Juyeon’s audio messages, but he’d also leave it all unanswered. When nothing seems to work, Juyeon would just give up and knock at their dorm door, with teary eyes and a tired face. It’s always up to Jacob to tell him to leave or not — most of the time he’d just say that Kevin isn’t home, but sometimes, he just can't find enough strength to lie to someone suffering as much as his best friend was.

“Juyeon-ah, just… give him time. I mean, you both need it. It’ll be good for you, too. Trust me.” He said softly, when Juyeon showed up late at night. Jacob was in his pajamas, about to go to bed, much different from the other, who’s wearing a leather jacket with a strong smelling of soju. Juyeon was drunk.

“Hyung, please. I just want to see his face… hear his voice… Just this time. Please, _please_.” He begged, at the point of almost crying right there in front of Jacob. 

“He is probably sleeping right now.” Which could be true or not. It depends if the sleeping pills he took today really helped. Juyeon sniffed, a few tears escaping and rolling down his cheeks, which he quicked cleaned with the back of his hand. “Sorry, buddy. I’ll call an Uber for you.”

“It's okay, I can go by myself.”

“No, you can’t. Wait, okay?” Jacob entered their dorm to grab his phone in the small living room, before walking back to the doorstep, already opening the App. 

“How’s he doing?” He heard Juyeon murmur almost inaudibly, as if he was afraid of knowing. Jacob couldn't help but sigh.

“He is… trying. To not fall apart completely. But it’s been hard, you know. Kevin is very sensible.” His eyes were still on his phone, working on Jaehyun and Juyeon’s address, but he could feel the other was still holding tears back.

“He hates me. Right?” 

“Definitely not. If he hated you, he wouldn't be… like this.” _He loves you_ , Jacob felt the need to say; he’d probably ended up saying it if the App didn’t announce that a driver was already coming. It wasn't from him that Juyeon should hear those words, after all. “The car is coming. You can wait outside.”

“Thanks, Jacob hyung.”

“No problem. Take care, okay?” He offered the other a comforting smile, and Juyeon just nodded, before leaving.

——

_Auntie Moon is calling…_

Jacob had been trying to avoid it, but it got to the point that he couldn’t anymore. He knew Kevin didn’t tell her nothing about the recents events of his life, he even had caught his best friend lying to his mom about eating, sleeping and being well. But, of course she’d notice it just by hearing his weak voice, sooner or later.

Kevin’s mom has tried to contact Jacob a few times too, but everytime he would make an excuse for not being able to talk, rather because of the timezone or university things. But he knew he couldn't keep acting like this forever.

This time, she hasn't even tried to message him before. “ _Hi sweetheart, can I call you now?_ ”. She just straight called him.

The thing is that Jacob could never lie to his auntie. They made a promise. He needs to tell her everything.

Besides, Kevin really needs her right now.

“Hey, auntie. How are you?”

——

“Sorry, Kev. I know you did not want anything like this, but they insisted.” 

Kevin and Jacob were in front of the doorstep, outside their dorm. He was keeping a comfort hand at Kevin’s shoulder, since his best friend seemed anxious just by looking at the closed door. Inside their dorm were a See You Soon party prepared by their friends.

They’d been planning this ever since it was confirmed that Kevin was going back to Canada. It caught their friends by surprise, and the first question after all the crying was: but, _why_?. Kevin explained he has been through some hard times lately, trying to _fit_ in the Korean culture. He opened up to them about never feeling _fully_ accepted, just feeling like a _foreigner,_ even though he has korean blood running through his veins. Their group of friends got so concerned with all this information, some of them even felt guilty for never noticing Kevin’s real feelings. 

“You guys are good, it took me some time, too.” He assured the others. If they only knew about all the details behind those feelings.

Everything was so sudden. After the conversation Jacob had with auntie Moon, Kevin couldn’t do anything but tell his mom the truth. He cried during the entire call with her, and Jacob listened to it all by his best friend’s side. At the end of the call, she concluded that it’d be better for his son to come back home, at least just for a while. It took Kevin two days to decide it, and the next day, he was already booking his flight to Vancouver. After packing his things and telling the others about it, their friends started to insist on giving Kevin a proper See You Soon party — because any of them could accept it was indeed a goodbye, so they named it like that — one day before his departure. 

“ _Kevinnnnn!_ ” They all came at once, as soon as Jacob and Kevin stepped into their dorm. It was a messy group hug, but Kevin welcomed them happily, and Jacob couldn’t help but smile at seeing his friend less nervous about it. Juyeon was a few steps away, maintaining a certain distance from them, not that anyone but Jacob would notice, though. 

One part of Jacob questioned himself without even thinking: _what is he doing here?_ ; but of course he’d come, there’s no way he couldn't find an excuse that would make sense. The other part of Jacob was glad to see Juyeon, too.

The group managed to do a good job at decorating the living room with some balloons and a handmade banner written “See You Soon, Keb” both in English and Korean. There was even a pumpkin cake, Kevin’s favorite, at the center of their living room table, and also some food and beverages. They planned it all really well.

It was good, almost relieved to see Kevin smile a little after weeks full of tears. Their friends were all gathered around by the sofa where they let Kevin sit comfortable while enjoying his pumpkin cake. He was more listening to all the other eight guys speak than really saying anything, but still, Jacob could see he was indeed enjoying the moment. 

“So, we know it’s cliché and could be kinda cringe, but we prepared letters for you.” Chanhee said, tightening his hold on Kevin’s arms that he had been holding since they arrived. He was Kevin’s first friend in Korea, and they’ve clicked since day one, so it was clear that he was trying his best to be strong. 

One by one, they started reading their letters and handing them back to Kevin as soon as they finished. They teared up, laughed, and shared hugs together as they heard every word written with so much care. It was a blessing, their friends were a true blessing.

“It’s your turn, hyung.” Eric informed, but the one called didn’t even notice. Juyeon was holding an empty expression, while sipping his beer slowly. “Hey, Juyeon hyung.” The latter finally seemed to wake up when Eric poked him in the shoulder. “It’s your turn.”

Jacob witnessed Kevin and Juyeon’s eyes meeting for the first time this night, after all this time. There were so many unsaid words in between those few seconds, but any of them would let it out. 

“I didn’t prepare a letter. I’m sorry.” He confessed, and everyone made disappointing noises at that. Coughing a little, Juyeon cleared his voice before looking for Kevin’s eyes again. He found it, in the same instant. “But I still want to… I _need_ to say some words. Can I?” He was asking Kevin directly, like it was just the two of them in that living room. Juyeon was probably afraid that he wouldn’t want to listen, but Kevin responded with a nod, as saying _go ahead_ . “You know that I’ve never been really good with words, but this is one of the times that I wish I could be, so you’d understand how much you mean to me. I’m also not good at demonstrating my feelings, and you know it damn well. But I wish I could be, so you’d understand…” _How much I love you_ , it was his unfinished words. Juyeon sighed. “You’d understand _everything_.” Running his fingers through his hair in a frustrated way, Juyeon closed his eyes for a moment. He still lacks courage, Jacob concluded. “I’m thankful for having the chance to have you in my life, but I’m selfish so it seems that it wasn’t enough, you know? I wish I could have more of _you_. With _me_ , Hyungseo.” Continuing, he opened his eyes, looking at Kevin again. “I’m sorry for everything you’d been through. You really tried your best, I acknowledged it all. But the world doesn't deserve you, and I do not deserve you the most.” By that point, when Jacob looked at his best friend, thick tears were already falling uncontrollable at the corner of his eyes. “Thank you for being yourself until the end. Thank you for being part of my life.”

Jacob couldn't describe the silence that came right next Juyeon’s speech. Maybe their friends were trying to put some pieces together, maybe the realization was coming to each of them. But they all decided that silence was the best alternative. It was a Kevin and Juyeon’s thing, after all. Even when Juyeon stood up and streched his long arms inviting Kevin for a hug, everyone maintained quiet. They hugged tightly, as they could heal each other a bit just with an embrace.

“I can’t believe you cried with Juyeon hyung’s words and he didn't even get a letter, but you did not cry with mine? I’m hurt!" Eric broke the silence with a whining and everyone ended up laughing, Juyeon and Kevin included.

The two of them proceed to spend the rest of the See You Soon party side by side. Jacob was definitely more than relieved by seeing this.

——

“Promise you will message me everyday.” Kevin was talking in pout, which made Jacob roll his eyes in a funny way.

“I already told you I will, Kev!”

“Good. It’s my turn to take care of you, Mr. Toronto.” 

His words sound so genuinely serious, Jacob could tell just by the way his best friend wouldn’t let their hug session in the airport end. But, it was really hard for Jacob letting Kevin go, too.

“Stop saying things like this. It sounds like we're not gonna see each other anymore.” Jacob complained, and felt his chest vibrate with Kevin’s laugh. 

“Well, it’ll be the first time that we are gonna be so distant from each other. So, yeah.” He got a point, Jacob couldn’t argue with that. “Thanks for everything, Cobi. I don’t know what would be of me without you.”

“You don’t need to thank me because I also don’t know what would be of me without my best friend.” 

“Probably much more chill.” Kevin laughed, and they slowly parted their hug to look at each others eyes this time

“But boring. Everything is boring without a Kevin Moon.” 

“It makes sense.” 

He watched Kevin leave with a light heart. 

It wasn’t a goodbye for them. Neither for Kevin and Juyeon. 

Jacob finally concluded.


End file.
